Tonight, as Beijing’s ghouls hit the town in the standard witch, princess or superhero costume, may we suggest dressing up as an author? A few suggestions below.

Oscar Wilde: Velvet cape with fur collar, velvet smoking suit with matching velvet knee breeches (not pictured above), a paisley silk scarf tied in a carelessly floppy bow about the neck, silk stockings, velvet slippers with monogram, a walking stick with silver top, hair that would do a nineties boy band member proud, zinging wit.

Jonathan Franzen: A blue button up (other solid colors may be substituted), sports jacket, the ability to look boyish long after one has ceased to be a boy, thick framed black glasses (can be found at Yashow Market for 30 rmb). Bonus points for going as pair with literary bff David Foster Wallace.

David Foster Wallace: Long-ish wig. Bandana. Slightly too-small T-shirt. Cargo shorts. Shoes. I’ve yet to see a photo of DFW that shows his feet. What would he wear? Beat up Chucks? Teva sandals? Flip-flops from the local dime store? Tennis sneakers?

Jane Austen: Empire-waisted gown, fringed shawl, a maidenly cap, a cat, perhaps a feathered pen and scheming marriage-minded mother.

Herman Melville: Full Distinguished Facial Hair (caps intentional). A suitably sober suit with bow tie. Pipe and captain’s cap. Perhaps a harpoon?

Tom Wolfe: White three piece suit – jacket, double breasted  White socks. White faux-spats. Discreetly clashing shirt and tie. Silk pocket square and a single red carnation. Walking stick. Caution: You may be mistakened for Colonel Saunders.

Joan Didion: Bob wig (straight bangs optional). Oversized coat. Oversized glasses. Oversized everything. A cigarette. Flat Mary Janes and white stockings. A bottle of bourbon. Reporters notepad.

Zadie Smith: Bright scarf tied turban style about head. Vaguely vintage print dress. Obligatory literary darling glasses (see J. Franzen). Dot freckles over nose and cheeks using a brown eyeliner pen. Perfect bone structure and talent not included.